No. 8: Options for Finding that Special Someone
August 6th 2008 15:54
Looking down the road
Sans homophobia, our discussion will be for heterosexuals now. In another post, we can address the difficulties others may experience.
We have all heard people say that one's attraction for the opposite sex does not start for girls until age 8 or later, and for boys, it is around puberty. Long have existed the stereotypes of the grammar school boys seeking only to harrass and tease the girls, like pulling their hair or hiding frogs. Although this does occur, I have news for these perpetrators -- many people seem to emerge from the womb with elevated hormones directing them from the earliest of ages. If it were not so, our species might be in trouble. We remember the talk, we remember what other children were saying back then -- some of it was shocking to our parents, teachers and peers. They might say: "Oh, my little Johnny or my little Linda, couldn't possibly say that." Hmmm, and we learn, don't we?
Personally, as early as the first grade, I went after school daily to play baseball with a male classmate, simply because of my strong attraction to the little girl next door. I could not wait for school to be over just to see her and talk across the fence with her. You may have experienced similar drives. Learning to live with these hormones throughout life is a topic for a future discussion.
When one is seeking attention from another, one is actually "selling" oneself. I know you say you are not a salesperson. You may have thought you could not sell icewater in the desert. The truth is that we are ALL salespeople. Everytime we want someone to do what we feel is best, in our opinion, (without other downward pressures like employment, military, etc.) we all pull out any necessary stops to convince others. Would you not agree this is selling?
But, being the very best salesperson will benefit no one, unless we are in front of the right audience. To be in front of the right audience means we have to have prospects. This is where the law of numbers appears. For success in selling, we have to play the numbers. The more we can increase the numbers, the better chances for the right audience, and the desired outcome.
This is a cosmic law expressed as F=MA. The greater the mass (numbers) and the greater the push (acceleration) the stronger the force. We know this as a physical law, but it is universal. This applies to social, and psychological things too. Simply put -- see more people, increase your desired result.
So what is best when one is seeking a companion or lifetime partner, maybe even marriage. To increase your prospect list, you have some of these options:
1) Friends/Family. Nothing is better than a referral as long as the person giving the referral does not interfere or get upset if his/her desired outcome does not occur.
2) Church and/or social organizations. This is a great way to increase the numbers and to get referrals from people who share similar views.
(4) Dating services: You may, or may not run, the "numbers" here, but do not be mislead. They work only when the service is large enough in YOUR area! This is not always as good as it seems. There are reports of successes here, but it all comes down to the numbers. This is a topic which I would like to post sometime.
(6) Placing ads in the newspapers. Protect your identity. Only use media that issues you a code. I know several people who have found their loved ones this way also. One must, above all, be original and creative. Just be careful.
(7) Bars and Clubs: There are many who find significant others this way. Skill, however, is needed in approach and conversation. Filtering out the insincere and truthful can require skill, gall, time and experience. This is why so many do not take this method seriously. It can be the most frustrating, time consuming and expensive.
(8) Internet chat rooms, email, and dating services. The world is full of people both happy and disappointed here. I know of someone who met a man from Maryland who flew all the way to Florida just to meet this person. Once they had a chance to talk it out, so to speak, the amorous attraction died, but the friendship continued This proved to be very, very expensive on the person flying that far to meet someone. Long distance relationships are fraught with difficulties.
I may have overlooked some other situations that may work for you. Each of these deserve more content. There is just not enough room in a typical blog for this.
You are encouraged to visit this site again right away. We can delve into the world of dating services. This is a topic on which I have expertise as I will explain in my next blog.
Keep it between the lines...
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