Part 9. More on Dating Services
August 11th 2008 22:12
The Breeze is Blowing
Please allow me to be introspective here. Even though my wife and I have enjoyed our marriage for over 40 years, one can never be cocky. Either one of us could be in the singles arena in a very short time should the other one die. So, I write this with open heart and open mind.
In 1984, I felt the urge to make use of my degree in psychology. The graphics industry had its virtues, but it was not fulfilling any more. I wanted to help others and to relocate to Central Florida. After culling the newspapers for months, a welcomed advertisement appeared. It was a dating service in Central Florida for sale. "Oh!" I said."We can utilize all the dreams at this." We jumped at the chance and obtained it right away!
Without boring you with too much detail, suffice it to say we bought the service with blinders attached. We had no idea what was happening. I knew nothing about dating, except for strange, distant, memories. My most recent knowledge was from a college elective course in Human Sexuality. I was ignorant enough to think my high ideals would be sufficient. I wanted to be the best interviewer and the most selective of all. This way, I felt the clients would be able to meet that special someone quicker and easier if I helped them.
When we purchased the service, as part of the sales agreement, the seller committed to thirty days training. He kept his part of the bargain and began opening my eyes to the real world -- not only of dating services, but the world of sales in general. I quickly learned that we were all (we and the enrolees) going to starve, one way or the other, if too few were enlisted.
Remember in our last post how I said it is all "a numbers game?" Well, this is true here too. NO DATING SERVICE IS WORTHWHILE UNLESS IT IS LARGE! Now large is a relative term, but you must agree there should be enough enlistees to provide each one a number of contacts.
In the five years we operated this service, one realization developed quickly -- there were always more women seeking proper introductions than men. Generally, the women wanted decent, clean, respectful people. The men seemed to want the same, but emphasized good looks much more often. In spite of the jokes, no -- their chest sizes were never mentioned, believe me.
Both groups seemed to always express their distaste for meeting that special person in bars and clubs. Almost without exception, they had contacted a dating service seeking professional screening to weed out the less desirable and the more compatible.
I conducted tough interviews. Not only did we need to screen the candidates, but we needed to enroll often, just to keep the numbers up. Our interview was designed to see just why we were contacted. Was it for a true need or for a lark? Was the person clean, intelligent, moral and seemingly of good character? After all, existing clientele sought this sort of friendship.
Even though sexual activity was not the service's purpose, still most all expected us to screen out the perverts and the sleazy. All recognized we had no control over what happened when two people met; this is why we recommended they have their first meeting in a public place, such as a restaurant over coffee or tea. If the conversation went well, a second "date"
might take place. If one of the two felt uneasy or put off, then he or she could just exit the situation. Each enrolee was cautioned this could happen and were advised to leave the other one alone thereafter.
Rolling the numbers meant we met people of all walks of life and all desires. We seemed to average a 70% acceptance rate.
It is easy for any type of dating service to claim high numbers. If you should be thinking about one, you would be well advised to insist on clientele numbers in your area before signing up. If they are unwilling to provide this and verify it, then walk. It is that simple.
If I were in the singles situation today, I would seek out a dating service with a large, verifiable, number of local enrolled people. When I say "local," I mean within a comfortable driving distance -- a distance you would be willing to go after work each day.
When a dating service gets low on numbers in any particular location or age group, there is strong temptation to lower the standards in order to keep up enough introductions for each individual. When the numbers get low, disappointment reigns, and tempers can flare, understandably.
Because we insisted on the personal interview, not the written questionnaire, the telephone interview or video, we felt we could not only see the candidates in their home environment, but we could read the body language to perceive the intent better. A dating service which does not take this step is just playing a Christopher Columbus game and hoping to land somewhere.
Since the whole dating scene is just a numbers game, we had both satisfied customers (several marriages), and disappointed ones as well.
I never got into the business to disappoint, so we closed the operation once the AIDS scare came along. We were not introducing people for sex, but no one could control their behavior and the thought of lawsuits was too frightening for us.
Now, let me digress and share some observations and experiences with you --
On one occasion, I interviewed a man in his home while sitting on the floor. His wife had won the divorce lottery and kept everything. He repeatedly said he lost his wife once she went to work and was surrounded only by divorcees. Men and women: Does this sound familiar?
Another time, I met a woman whose husband, of several years and children, left her for another man. Several times I met people whose spouses left for people of the opposite sex. Like it or not, this goes on more often than many people realize.
There were several men who spelled out the physical attributes of their desired companion and never once spoke of what kind of morality, character or personality. They were refused.
One disturbing observation was the large number of female contacts who were candid in their desire just to "party." The regular clientele were not paying for this. They stated they could meet this type person in the bars anyway.
I have met people who gave us checks on closed accounts, nsf checks until they got their first introductions, false addresses, bad phone numbers and one man who claimed not to be married, but who later it was confirmed was.
With the exception of the above man, the only trouble we ever had with hundreds of clients was a lawyer who tried to overwhelm (you know what I mean) his first introduction. He was dismissed immediately, and told if he tried to cause other problems he would be brought up on the charges I had encouraged his introduction to file.
Nothing is perfect. If you want to meet a person of good character, humor, personality and devotion, check out the options in post No. 9. Above all be careful and consider the numbers. I wish you the best.
Keep between the lines...
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